Bar in Review: Frank N' Hanks

by Kim Brewer

In the 1st of our series of Bar Reviews (submit away, alcoholics!), our booze-laden informant gives us a feel for the odd clientele that frequent the tiny Koreatown dive bar Frank N Hank's.

(from the archives)

"Is that a comb in your hair or are you just happy to see me?”

Fellow boozer and friend, Andrea, emailed the gang and invited us all to meet her after work one Friday night at Frank n’ Hanks to kick off the weekend and get wasted on cheap, stiff drinks. I thought, why the hell not? I’m always game to try new bars and if the drinks are cheap, even better.

Frank n’ Hanks is located at 518 South Western Avenue between 5th and 6th Streets in the Wilshire/ Koreatown area. It is conveniently walking distance from Andrea’s work. The bar is located on my way home from work but I decided to drive all the way home first to freshen up, because you never know who might see when you are out and about.

I drove out to the bar around 9:00 pm and found that the parking situation sucks. There is no street parking but I managed to find a parking lot located around the corner on Oxford Street between an apartment building and bank. There was a huge sign that said “Parking” and there was no security on site so I parked my car. As I was walking to the bar, I noticed a huge public parking lot on 6th Street, but since I was in a hurry to get my drink on, I decided to leave my car where it was.

If you happen to be driving past the bar and blink you will mostly likely miss it since it’s located between a bunch of buildings. But there is a sign that says, “Cocktails” (duh) and people smoking outside. The interior of the bar is very divey. It is a long, dark narrow room, with a couple of tables. I recommend getting there early if you want to kick up your heels and relax.

Once I walked in, I found my drunken friends, and ordered myself my favorite cocktail, vodka and soda. It was only $2.50 and stiff as can be! I was in heaven. I hear you can score free drinks from Snow, the bartender, if you hang out there enough times and listen to her Vietnam stories.

I sat down with the rest of my pals at a table and scoped out the scene. If you are into people watching, this is the place to go to. It is a bar where locals hang out, so you won’t see too many douches or hot meat to make eyes at.

There is definitely a circus of freaks at this bar. I spotted a cholo-looking guy who was wearing white contacts that made him look blind. At one point I saw him trying to make selections at the jukebox and practically had his forehead against the glass because he couldn’t see with those silly contacts. He eventually took them off and, miraculously, he was able to see again. There was also a guy standing right near our table who had a comb stuck on the side of his fro. What the hell?

This is also a place to spot pseudo celebrities or at least look-alikes. The black midgety guy who is in the R. Kelly movie made an appearance at the bar. There was also a girl who looked like Lil’ Kim with midriff top, tight jeans, and her boobies hanging out.

Not only will you see a freak show at Frank n’ Hanks but there are activities also! They have an electric dart board, pool, and yes, a jukebox. They have a wide range of music to choose from. You’ll find anyone from Neil Diamond to Eminem. They also have a T.V. for those who are attached to their boob tube.

After three vodka sodas I started to feel a little tipsy. It was time to drain the lizard and take a look at the loo. Once you walk in you see the vanity area decorated with a basket of faux flowers. It is very clean and I could still smell the fresh paint. The actual toilet room is as tiny as my closet so it’s hard to maneuver after a couple of drinks.

After relieving myself I decided to cut myself off and get dinner at Carl’s Jr. across the street. I brought my tasty burger back to the bar and hot damn, there was another vodka soda waiting for me. Yikes. I finished my food and drink and hung out until close to last call.

I walked back to my car alone. There were other drunks walking the street so I felt safe. Once I walked to parking lot where I left my car, the gate was shut but I noticed a car parked right behind mine with it’s headlights on. I touch the gate and it opened and took a breath of relief. As I was walking to my car, an Asian man in a security guard uniform stumbled out of his car. In his broken English, he asked if I paid for parking. I told him I did not since there wasn’t anybody around to pay. He told me the cost was $10. I gave him $3 and told him that is all I had even though it was a lie. This conversation went in circles for five minutes repeating the same dialogue between the two drunks. I finally told the guy I had to leave and to please move his car. He refused to, so I jump in my car and put it in reverse barely hitting his car. I sped away. The asshole cost me my last drink at The Roost. Jerk.

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Kim Brewer continues to inhabit many of Hollywood's divier bars searching for the perfect man. He must please her emotionally, physically and mentally, but - most importantly - not judge her when he finds out about her twelve simultaneous STDs.