The Best Search Phrases Of The Unspecified Time Frame

by The Editors

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There's a certain inherant danger that goes along with putting a Site Meter on your webpage; ours is located down there on the left, under our Back Issues. Not only can you fall into the trap of publishing disturbing articles (say, a filthy expose about genitals) simply to get a boost in your Almighty Site Meter rankings, but you can also see just how sick and twisted your fellow Internet traveler truly is.

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Each day, we get a few folks who happen upon our site by accident. Sometimes it's innocent folks hoping Google leads them in the right direction of a nice Halloween costume. Other times it's good citizens looking for a dictionary on the various kinds of duct tape. Others simply want quotes from the extremely fat Jerry Falwell. But, every now and then, we notice that a certain person stumbled onto our website while looking for something a little more ... sinister.

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Listen British comrades, we understand that "limp cock" might mean something entirely different on the other side of the pond (perhaps something along the lines of "mama's boy", or maybe "impotent rooster"), but here in America it means one thing and one thing only: extremely boring and frustrating pornography. Please, don't encourage it. (Also, must you really pluralize it? Won't one limp cock suffice?)

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Ahh yes. The innocence of a boy's youth. When just talking to a girl caused your heart to flutter; when holding hands with a girl gave you an extraordinary boner; when you were able to get away with the "Oops, wrong hole" excuse without a second glance. Our advice to you, young lad, is to cherish these days. And, for God's sake, please don't practice on your sister.

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A variation on the above phrase (my, oh my, everyone's looking for penii lately), but this one makes a little more sense. At least to sluts.

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Honestly, we're kind of hoping that the Internet searcher was trying to get the statistics on how many cigarettes she must inhale during her 9-month pregnancy period in order to make sure the baby comes out stillborn. Not because we hate children or anything, mind you. Simply because if she was looking for ways to help her avoid a miscarraige, well, she's obviously come to the wrong place. And if that's the case, well, we wish her soon-to-be-child all the luck in the world.

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This one's simple enough. Someone probably met someone for the first time (our guess: a dance club) and wanted to know if the person was an official douchebag, according to the generally accepted Internet consensus definition of the phrase. Or maybe they were wondering if Rite Aid fucked them over.

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There's just something about Polish stereotypes that ring true. I mean, have you ever tried to get a one-armed Polish man out of a tree? Or try to use a computer after they're done, and have obviously made many typing mistakes? Or, God forbid, try to get a trio of them to change a simple light bulb?!?! Which is why this one is obviously our favorite.

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Come across any odd search phrases pointing in the direction of your own personal webpages? Curious on how to get a Site Meter? Know what a "blumpkin" is? Interested in our genital measurements? Then shoot an email our way.