Marie Antoinette: Apres Moi, Le Deluge

by Terri Kauffman

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From time to time, Terri will be providing reviews of movies she has yet to see. But fear not Young Stallion, there is no witchcraft here, only logical evidence based on advertisements, promotional materials, the track records of those involved, female intuition, and the like. This month, Terri gives us a premature pan of Marie Antoinette.

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“Apres moi, le deluge.” Translated, it means “After me, the flood.”

The quote is attributed to Louis XV of France, the heir to the throne following the far more dynamic and superior leader Louis XIV, and has been referred to as one of the most chilling statements made by the ruler of any leader of any country. Ever. The apathy of his reign was the beginning of the end for his royal line, and he knew it. He spent his life living the life of a royal without addressing any of the responsibilities that should accompany the extravagance, and his son and his son’s family would pay the price with the infamous beheading of Marie Antoinette and execution of Louis XVI. Did I give away the ending? Well, you should have paid more attention in history class anyway.

If you found the previous paragraph boring or wondered why you were reading a history lesson when you were expecting a movie review, you shouldn’t see Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette. It’s okay, you don’t have to pretend that you liked Gandhi on my account, so you can save that line for the next high-brow party you attend thrown by the history department of your local college. I didn’t see that movie either, but as great of a person as Gandhi was, there aren't enough lattes in the world to get me through that film. Let’s face it, there was a reason that you fell asleep during history class. It’s boring.

If you do like history but don’t believe Kirsten Dunst and Jason Schwartzman as 18th century royalty, you shouldn’t see this movie either. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed both of them in various roles. Jason Schwartzman was fabulous in Rushmore and made a great drummer for the band Phantom Planet.

(Phantom Planet brought us such great hits such as “California,” which has been used in various gems such as “The O.C.” and the film Orange County - ironically, the song is about a trip on the 101 freeway, which does not actually extend into Orange County).

Kirsten Dunst is by no means the next Meryl Streep, but she’s done her fair share of good work. After all, she was nominated for a Golden Globe for her role in Interview with the Vampire and received rave reviews for her work in The Virgin Suicides. I haven’t seen either of those movies either, but I hear she was quite good even as a youngster. But just because an actor or actress is talented doesn’t make them suited for just any part, and I can’t imagine Dunst and Schwartzman as any royalty, let alone these particular 18th century royals who were responsible for the fall of the French aristocracy.

If you can buy Dunst and Schwartzman as royalty and you aren’t bored by historical dramas, you still shouldn’t see this movie if you like your history served straight up. Despite the French setting of this film, the actors don’t bother with the burden of French accents, let alone actually speaking French in France. The soundtrack is filled with songs by New Wave bands of the 1980’s. Nothing says “French Revolution” like “Hong Kong Garden” by Siouxsie & the Banshees. By all accounts, this film borrows from the history books as more of a general guideline than as a series of actual specific events. Instead, this is Coppola’s version of how she thinks this little piece of history might be made more stylized and interesting. But hey, if George Lucas can make Guido shoot first in the remake of his film, then why not let Sofia Coppola allow history to unfold in such a way that is hip and interesting rather than being boring and dull like those boring and dull history books we even out our coffee tables with.

I’ve carried a grudge against Sofia Coppola for years after she ruined the third Godfather. I know it isn’t fair since it’s really her father’s fault for casting her in the first place, but still, she agreed to it and in therefore ruined the third of what is arguably the greatest trilogy of all time. Ironically, now she’s casting Schwartzman in her movies, and guess who he’s related to? I’ll give you a hint: a whole bunch of people with the last name of “Coppola.” But apparently Sofia Coppola is a much better director than an actress. A lot of people really liked Lost in Translation, though a lot of other people found it boring. I personally wasn’t willing to take the gamble. But hey, it was nominated for an Oscar and it won for Best Screenplay, so it must be sort of good.

I’m not a huge history buff and neither are the Marie Antoinette filmmakers, so I can still only guess at the details of the plot. Marie Antoinette is brought to France at a young age and married off into a family and a life she never wanted, but winds up turning the stuffy old aristocrats on their heels as she brings a splash of life into the anal-retentive royal family. In short, King Ralph. Unfortunately, her sparkling personality isn’t enough to undo the damage of her father-in-law, portrayed brilliantly no doubt, by Rip Torn. The seeds of revolution had been set in motion long before her appearance on the scene of French royalty, and in the end, she “loses her head” in the fall of Versailles. Everyone is fond of that pun, so I figured I should join the bandwagon.

Basically, if you enjoyed history class and you liked Lost in Translation and you’ve never heard of Kirsten Dunst or Jason Schwartzman, then by all means pony up the price of admission for this one. Take a date, enjoy some popcorn. But if you didn’t like history class or Lost in Translation, or if you’re still holding a grudge against Sofia Coppola for Mary Corleone, then I suggest you see this movie only if you’re on a plane and can’t sleep or, possibly, if you’re sick and bed-ridden and it’s only $0.99 as a video-on-demand and there’s nothing else on but Ronco infomercials.

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People say you can’t judge a book by its cover. Terri Kauffman thinks those people are wrong. Her favorite pastime is judging things immediately, whether they're books, movies, or people. You've been warned.